Of Corporations and Cows.

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: They have two cows. They worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN EGYPTIAN CORPORATION: You have 2 cows, they both vote for Mubarak

Filed under: Ghetto, Laced

Selfish and Full Of It.

Do you want to be Selfish, Narcissistic, Loaded, Greedy, Full Of It and yet … still come out on top of the game after it’s all over? Don’t screw your face and squirm in your seat. Its not like this is the first time you’re being asked an existentialist question. Think fast, cut to the chase and make a decision. Just answer the question man.

Yes, or No?

If you’re trying to be momma’s boy or a goody-two-shoes and you answered No, then pack your bags and get outta here. You’re a spineless piece of phlegm with no idea of how to prioritize your own interests above that of others. Adieu. And if you’re sitting on the fence and unsure, then you can join Club No as well, and leave. Thanks for coming and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Ciao.

Now, as for all of you greedy and esurient little loan-sharks who shamelessly said Yes – all right! Lets do lunch.

Here’s the story:

Turns out the Central Bank has a Platinum 5-star plan for investors, with a global reach. Even the lowest-performing stock in their diverse array of portfolios has a return rate of 70% (SEVENTY) compounded annually on the original principal. You can add to the principal amount whenever you like and they adjust the returns by back-dating it to the point of deposit of the original principal.

I checked out their referral program and it is unbelievably out of this world – for every investor you refer to the Bank, you get paid a high double-digit percentage of whatever the Bank pays to the new investor, as an absolute. Meaning the new investor you referred to them will make 100% of the stated ROI on whatever portfolio he or she chose, but your referral payout is on top of that, not cut from it. If the one you referred to the Bank refers others as well, then you not only make a nice percentage off of those new inductees, but you are paid out the original percentage of the new amount that your original referral is now making on his / her own referrals.

If you’re interested in prime real estate, they have a wide variety of portfolios in that sector as well. All of their locales are very well placed and pristine. We’re talking about lush foliage, close to rivers and oceans, breath-taking scenery, stuff folks have never dreamed of.

They also have a preferred partner programs for lenders and underwriters. I’ve personally never seen anything like this.

…

So, now you want to know what kind of connections I had to go through to get the scoop on such a deal. Did I have to sell my soul? Probably. But greed is a virtue. Even excessive, rampant greed. It can be used as a force for good.

What am I on about?

Well if you think about it, on Judgement Day you’re going to be having a bad day. Stress, like you’ve never known it in your entire life, haha. Sweat is going to be pouring out of you by the buckets. Your hair is going to be growing white at supersonic speeds. You’re going to wish you could go back into your life and just start pumping out good deeds like crazy. I’m not talking about cranking the the faucet up full blast. I’m not even talking about good deeds like the water coming over the Niagara Falls, hell no I’m talking about good deeds like a waterfall the size of the Pacific Ocean, packin’ it on some celestial brand of steroids.

And your single, motivating factor? Greed. You heard me, damn right. Don’t deny it – denial is the most easiest and predictable of all human emotions.

You’re greedy because you want Allah’s Mercy. And you hope that by His Mercy you’ll be entered into Jannatul Firdaus al a3la.

All those good deeds you’ll do with that smile spread like butter across your face, that sincerity, that cute and endearing charm, forgiving others if they wrong you, holding your tongue and hands from undesirable speech and actions, that oh-so pure selflessness … all just a facade for your Greed to to hide behind. You’ll be lying there at night wondering what your bottom line looks like. Billions upon trillions of hasanaat just piling up. And all of it compounded at a factor of 1:70 or more.

Now go back and read it all again, from the start.

You only have this one life, so get going.

Filed under: Laced, Leadership, Riposte

The myth of Muslim support for terror

Ballen writes:

Only 46 percent of Americans think that “bombing and other attacks intentionally aimed at civilians” are “never justified,” while 24 percent believe these attacks are “often or sometimes justified.”

Contrast those numbers with 2006 polling results from the world’s most-populous Muslim countries – Indonesia, Pakistan, Bangladesh, and Nigeria. Terror Free Tomorrow, the organization I lead, found that 74 percent of respondents in Indonesia agreed that terrorist attacks are “never justified”; in Pakistan, that figure was 86 percent; in Bangladesh, 81 percent.

See the original article from CSMonitor here and the Huffington Post’s take on it here.

Filed under: Current Affairs, Riposte