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Unbranded and home on the range.

Expecting Fat?

So, we were at some party last night for some girl we know who’s getting engaged to some guy from the ‘hood.

And a bunch of us were sitting around discussing my idea for selling Drano-Coke at fast food restaurants. And in sum, I’ve concluded it probably won’t work for women but men should be just fine.

You see, if men eat junk food and then we have a swig of this drink to clear out the arteries, well that’s fine, it gets cleared out. But if women try to do it, it’ll probably work too. The arteries will get cleaned out quite nicely but because testosterone is manufactured from certain types of cholesterol, there’s a probability that all that fat getting cleaned out of womens’ arteries in the process will either:

a) Accumulate in the womb
b) Get passed on to the DNA of any future baby.

Since the function of x(Ri+S^2) / yx^3i > gf(4@p-2v) indicates that both outcomes are equally probable, what will end up happening in both cases is women using the new Drano-Coke formula will appear expectant and may be so in reality or it just may be loads of waxy fat accumulating in the form of an 8lb 2oz ball of … cherbie. Well, when she goes to the delivery room, the final product is either going to be a lot of fat or a baby that could be pure fat. In which case, the doctor herself will be confused because last time she checked, she didn’t do liposuctions.

So, if you’re a woman and you barely eat poutine and other ridiculously fatty stuff, then please stay that way and don’t increase it. And if you do eat a lot of it, then just make sure you don’t drink any of the new flavor of Coke.

cool? yes, thanks. ciao / chow

Filed under: Food, Ghetto, Miscellany

Clouds Above Go Sailing By…

“You are the springtime I dreamed of so desperate during the cold winter chills.”

– Richard Wagner

Filed under: Quotable Quotes, Solace

Ta7t el-3arsh

Br. Waleed Shaalan.

He was amongst the 30+ victims at Virginia Tech who were shot and injured / killed this morning in a senseless rampage.

======================= Update: ============================

NY Times is reporting that Brother Shaalan was also a hero that day. According to Randy Dymond, a civil engineering professor at Virginia Tech, Mr. Shaalan saved the life of a fellow graduate student just before he died. Mr. Dymond said the student recounted to him how he and Mr. Shaalan were both in the first classroom the gunman entered. Mr. Shaalan was badly wounded and lay beside the student, who was not shot but played dead, as the gunman returned two times searching for signs of life. Just as the gunman noticed the student, Mr. Shaalan made a move to distract him, at which point he was shot a second time and died. The student believed that Mr. Shaalan purposefully distracted the shooter to save him, Mr. Dymond said.

“Waleed was bright, energetic and caring,” Mr. Dymond said. “The reason we are in higher education is because there are students who are the bright light to the future. Waleed was one of them.”
==========================================================

“… and whosoever saves the life of one, it shall be as if he had saved the life of all mankind.” [5:32]

Inna lillahe wa inna ilayhe raji3oun. May Allaah grant him a castle under the Throne where the rest of the Shuhadaa are, and may Allaah grant his parents and family a beautiful patience, ameen. He is survived by his wife and a son.

Here is the link to his story on MuslimMatters.

Filed under: Current Affairs, In Memoriam, Solace

BETTER THAN EID!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

MY MISHY-BABY FOUND ME!!!

I’M SO HAPPY OH MY OH LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAA

YOU SEE THIS DAMN SMILE ON MY FACE??!!! IT AINT GOING NOWHERE, NOT FOR A LONGGG TIME!!!!

Filed under: Ghetto, Laced

Communications Breakdown…

… and how to prevent one.

What comprises an effective, F2F conversation?

Well, the answers might surprise you:

– Up to and only 7 % is made up of the actual words you use.
– Another 38% is composed of voice cues or dynamics – tone, pitch, inflection, speed, pauses, etc.
– An overwhelming 55% is physiology – hand gestures, facial expressions, body language, eye contact / movements, etc.

(SOURCE: Tony Robbins, Learning Annex Business Conference, March 2007 Toronto)

From it I can draw the following corollaries:

– In any text-based conversation such as emails, SMS, instant messaging, written letters, and so forth it is imperative that you choose your words carefully to convey the intended and proper meaning because 90% of what you may be trying to convey, may simply just not be getting through – whether you are utilizing formal language and business jargon used in the professional world, or mere slang and colloquial vernacular used amongst friends and close acquaintances.

– Advancing further, speaking on the phone gives you greater control over how your words and ideas are perceived, since voice dynamics carry a significantly heavier impact than mere words alone. Pausing for effect at key intervals, stressing certain consonants, raising or lowering your pitch and tone all serve to clearly carry the emotions, intent and meaning behind your words. Laughter or giggling (subdued or otherwise) may convey a sense of amusement or familiarity common with friendship. Explicit and careful pronunciation of each and every word may indicate a desire to be carefully understood, and depending on tone, it may also convey annoyance, irritability or even displeasure. 

– Moving on to actual F2F conversation, we find a nearly 125% increase in interpersonal communications efficiency over just words + voice cues alone, by the use of physiology. Body language that indicates tension or ease, hand gestures that may indicate stress or aggravation, balled fists that may indicate anger, loose and open hands facing the recipient indicates trust and openness, while hidden hands or hands kept behind the back indicate otherwise. Eye contact indicates honesty and confidence, lack of it may indicate the person has something to hide – while in other cultures it indicates modesty or a sign of respect. The eyes can also convey focus and subject matter interest, or lack thereof. The eyebrows and facial muscles also convey sadness, anger, happiness, concern, amusement, contempt, and so on.

These are all items to keep in mind when conversing with another party, whether for business, social or pleasure reasons. A question may be asked, could we advance any further than this?

I believe so.

It may be not too far in the future where we may see widespread use of unobtrusive implants which can control chemicals in our brains, releasing or removing certain doses into our cranium depending on the mood and intent of the person we are conversing with, providing they also have such a system. So if you desire to feel the mood of the other person you are talking to at close range, then the implant may help you feel their happiness, disappointment, pain, sorrow, and so on. This would bring a new level of empathy into our conversations and quite possibly take normal day to day conversations to a whole new level previously unknown to mankind.

Filed under: Leadership

(Dis)Order in the Court!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Show these to your parents next time they ask you to go study law. Some of these are shockingly stupid. Check out the whole list.

Thumbs up to Khadijah I. for the laughs.


_____________________________________

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Q: Did he kill you?
A: No.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
__________________________
___________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________
____________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

_____________________________________

Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Ghetto, Miscellany