Maverick

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Unbranded and home on the range.

SUPERSPIKED = SUPERHAPPY

oh shugwucks … someone laced my Coke … again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under: Miscellany, MSN Ejecta

Oh you think you’re funny huh?

A while back, in an effort to get my baby brother [now 15 years of age] to build some thicker skin, I told him to take any insult someone threw at him and roll it right back with a lighthearted add-on intended to show the insulter that he wasn’t hurt or fazed by the insult, and rather, was having fun with the insult. So for example if someone called him a “LOSER!”, he should just crack a smile, make a goofy face and correct the person by saying “Loser with a Life, yo!” or if someone called him a “RETARD!”, he might reply back saying “Retard keepin’ it Real, baybeh!” and perhaps accentuate the retort with a snap of the fingers, or pointing at himself, or shrugging his shoulders, etc. The idea was to not only show complete indifference to the insult, but to even toss it back with his own spin on it.

So tonight at the dinner table as I was scooping my rice and meat out onto my plate, my sister made some stale sarcastic joke, and I forced a stunted, artificial stream of laughter and followed up with “WHAT A FUNNY!” while keeping a poker face. And then that reminded me of the odd time I’ve heard my parents toss the term “mutafunnee” about when one or both of them were angry at us. Its a term in both Arabiy and Hindi that loosely translated, means “troublemaker”.

Well, you can guess what happened next.

My face lit up like I had just discovered the cure for cancer as I looked over at my baby brother who was sitting on the computer in the breakfast area. “OMG! Next time Mom calls you mutafunnee, you can just laugh and say “VAT-A-FUNNY!” … I found this proposal to be so hilarious I nearly collapsed from laughing so hard. I had to first cover my face with my hands because I couldn’t stop laughing, and then I slapped my hands on the countertop and then buried my face in my arms, still laughing my head off. My mom, standing behind me was slightly amused at the proposal, but moreso at my uncontrollable laughter. She couldn’t resist slapping my back while laughing herself. My sister and my baby brother were snickering either with me or at me, I didn’t care.

What’s even more funny was that I had no clue what “mutafunnee” means. My mom said she had never seen it actually written in literature, but only heard people saying it. She vaguely recalled it meaning something like troublemaker or rascal. We had a brief discussion at the dinner table about what the root word was. My sister suggested fitnah or fitan, but I said no because the root didn’t seem to be F T N.

A little while later I was asking an associate  – Basboosa  – what the word meant. Here’s our brief exchange:

Salmaan says:
I have a question
Salmaan says:
do you know what the urdu term “mutafunni” means?
Basboosa says:
I have a answer
Salmaan says:
i know its like, an insult or something
Basboosa says:
someone is fat and funny
Salmaan says:
but i’m not sure what it means
Basboosa says:
AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Basboosa says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

… lawlz.

Get it? MOTA + FUNNY …. fat and funny?

That was good.

Gosh I love turning my brain off and becoming an airhead. The laughs come so easily at anything and everything.

Anyways. Later I asked Dr. Saima if she had the answer and here’s what she said:

Mari  – says:
mutafannin : crafty [fanna] Hin mutafanni
Mari  – says:
mutafanni itself is arabic
Salmaan says:
mutafanneen is from arabiy?
Mari  – says:
yep
Salmaan says:
and in hindi it became mutafannee?
Salmaan says:
meaning? crafty? troublemaker?
Salmaan says:
what?
Mari  – says:
fanna=thats hindi, but i dont know what exactly that means
Mari  – says:
mutafannin
Mari  – says:
is arabic

Filed under: Ghetto, Laced, Miscellany, MSN Ejecta

He wants to be rich.

(Who doesn’t?)

So, he came up with yet another get-rich-quick scheme. And its sounds sommit like this:

=======================================================================

Abu Sulaiman says:

insha’allah
Abu Sulaiman says:
def gonna be at RIS this year

Abu Sulaiman says:
But the whole reason I’m going won’t be to attend lectures but to meet you guys


سلمان says:
Some of the speakers are okay some are boring
سلمان says:
Yeah
سلمان says:
So we just walk around the bazaar


Abu Sulaiman says:
yea

سلمان says:
Sit and talk
سلمان says:
Play games
سلمان says:
etc

Abu Sulaiman says:
Maybe (I will) get married there who knows
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Filed under: Miscellany, MSN Ejecta

One of those days …

… when my stomach is higher than my nose, if I lie down. (okay okay maybe not)

=========================================
Abu Ibraheem says:
salam
Abu Ibraheem says:
what you doing ?

سلمان says:
sittin with a full tummy
سلمان says:
i didnt realize how much food i had eaten until i looked at myself in the mirror
سلمان says:
astaghfirullaah I look pregnant

Abu Ibraheem says:
hahaha
Abu Ibraheem says:
LMAO
Abu Ibraheem says:
that is funny

سلمان says:
what a loser huh

=========================================

So, I was at the MSA dinner tonight. Lots of people, and nice food. Lasagna, chicken, rice, taters, yada yada.

3abdo was there with his jokes and tabla, but he did an absolutely piss-poor re-telling of his fireman joke … thank God though, otherwise I might have splurted out the Coke I was drinking had I started to laugh like last time he told it. Hussein was there dissin’ everybody left right center, except when he was begging me to teach him some Urdu so he wouldn’t feel left out when me and Adeel were ripping into each other. Adeel was there walking around like he owned the place – whats so new about that? At least he treated me enough like VIP so I got first dibs on a second helping. Ibrahim had blue hair – yes the same Ibrahim who planned on wearing niqab so all the girls would talk about him. I guess he thought blue hair was a much more surefire way to get them to spin their heads in his direction. I saw Yasin and told him not to feel bad, – misery loves company – because I was there even though I’ve never been a student at UTM, although he kept trying to convince me he was a UTM student. Someone needs to give him some selling skills. Rizwan was there moaning about how he wanted to get hitched but he couldn’t figure out the finances of supporting a wife and what he would do if she turned out to be a shop-aholic. I decided to turn up the heat on him and freaked him out by telling him tales of religious sisters who insisted on their rights of having a separate home. He almost fainted I think, or at least he was sweating like crazy. Wais walked in – unbelievable this kid went from being a scrawny little kid that everyone kicked around in highschool to being someone who looked like he could beat the pulp outta even the biggest NFL quarterbacks. He was seriously packin’ something. Creatine maybe, I dunno. Omar was there getting all wierd on me while we were pickin’ out his gray hairs, asking if I had sent the Eid card w/ comments to the boys and I said “Yes I sent it the same night” to which, he was very shocked and puzzled. Little Yusuf was there stringing his faulty yo-yo crying about how it was broken so I told him to fix it himself, since he has the blood of so many engineers in him and lo and behold, he fixed it on the spot. Just super. Some new kid named Mas3oud tried to pull a fast one on me but I pulled it back on him saying he looked just like his brother Sa’eed. Baby Yusuf was crying in his momma’s arms and then I took him into mine and he couldnt cry because he was so preoccupied with being perplexed while looking at my face trying to figure out who the hell I was. I considered taking him back with me to the table but I didnt want the boys to start congratulating me just yet. Loads of other boys there and I had similarly absolutely random and perhaps pointless exchanges with them. Also known as schmoozing and socializing. The CBC camera guys for the Passionate Eye were there and me and Hussein enjoyed the verbal sniping we were laying on them, oh and we just *know* they heard everything because they had a frickin’ big fat boom mike pointed in our direction over our heads. I pulled some cultural sensitivity political-correctness jargon on them so they didnt videotape the sisters while we were all praying and they acted like I was their saviour. Absolute Morons.

Since I feel like a loser because nabeyuna Muhammad [saws] said the worst vessel a man can fill is his stomach, I’m sitting here hoping this massive protrusion will go away magically somehow. My sister laid on some random statistic about how its scientifically proven that people eat more when they are sitting together at a party and blabbing at the same time. I dont wanna puke so I verbally let it loose up there.

Oh mother. Someone pass me a napkin please.

Filed under: Miscellany, MSN Ejecta

Club Fabulous

It usually goes sommit like this:

JimBob: salamualaikum
Moi: walaikumussalam
JimBob: How are ya?
Moi: I’m absolutely fabulous.
JimBob: I’m fabulous too!
Moi: [Great!] Welcome to da club!

| CLUB FABULOUS |

It’s a mind job. I’m tellin’ ya … its in your head. It’s all in your head. And heart. Jannah is right here. Inside. For now.

And no matter what, you can’t take it away from me.

(now now, don’t be all hatin’ on me 😉

Filed under: Miscellany, MSN Ejecta