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Unbranded and home on the range.

False Advertising?

What is up with Muslims these days? The latest craze seems to be slapping the Halal label onto anything and everything in order to attract business.

Before I continue, I’ll post the following definition of False Advertising from Wikipedia:

False advertising (or more mildly, deceptive advertising) is an act of deliberately misleading a potential client about a product, service or a company in general by reporting false or misrepresenting information or data in advertising or other promotional materials. False advertising is a type of fraud, and may also be considered a hoax.

False advertising is often a crime. In some countries advertising practices (including “truth in advertising”) are regulated by a government authority (FTC in the USA), in others the advertising industry is self-regulated and professional associations combat false advertising.To decrease their legal liability for deceptive marketing, many companies cover their tracks using small print. In radio, the equivalent is fast talk, which likewise is nearly impossible to hear or understand. In either case, this often allows false advertisers to continue their tactics without prosecution.

I was coming back from Al-Falah tonight and decided to stop at the plaza on Brittania where they have Hot n’ Roll and City Line Pizza.

So, I walk into the pizza store, and the owners are Muslim. So I’m standing there trying to decide what to order, and I notice one of the menus on top of the glass display said:

HALAL MENU:

bacon
ham

— and other stuff —

So I kinda scrunched up my face and I ask the guy how the hell do you have Halal Bacon??! And he goes “oh, its made out of chicken…. and so is the halal ham.”

So then I point to one of the meat slices and another with pepperoni, assuming they were halal and asked him for those and he goes “oh these arent halal”

So I asked him “Well, do you have any halal meat slices right now?”

And he goes “no sorry not right now.”

So, I walked out. WTH??!! Halal ham? halal bacon?

And then back in December, at RIS … the dude from UM Financial gets up on the stage and screams “We can give you Halal INTEREST!!!”

And the other day a buddy was telling me of some halal beer drink.

What is WRONG with these people?

Halal ham?
Halal bacon?
Halal beer?
Halal interest?

why stop there?

Introducing the all New and IMPROVED HALAL HARAAM!!!

YEAH BABY!! COME AND GET IT!!

Filed under: Exhaust, Ghetto, Riposte

Keep. On. Moving.

“Me and running don’t always see eye to eye. Some days it hurts more than others. But it doesn’t mean I don’t do it. I deal with it and I keep running because not everything that is good for you always feels good for you.”

– Lance Armstrong.

Filed under: Leadership, Quotable Quotes

The 411 on (Muslim) guys who want to get married.

So, I was being asked by some women about characteristics of guys who want to get married (desperately or not). I’ve been around for a while, traveled the world over, and I’ve found some pretty common items wherever I go. Be it in North America, Europe, the Mideast, whatever. Please bear in mind some of the following are trade secrets.

Guys who want to get married, desperately or not, will do the following:

Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Ghetto, Laced, Riposte, Women

She did WHAT?!!!

My brother-in-law was over tonight and during a conversation, he was telling me about some of the crazier insurance lawsuits he’s read about during his sojourn so far as a Director of the Insurance division of a large insurance company. He said the most retarded one (sic) he had ever come across was as follows:

A woman was sued by her daughter for bodily injuries sustained while the woman was driving a car which was involved in an accident.

(So I’m thinking, Yeah okay, thats not a big deal. Kids do even worse to their parents these days)

The kicker is: The woman was alone when driving. There was no other car. She had gone out during some bad weather, her car hit some black ice, skidded and rolled into a ditch. The car was totaled and she was injured.

And her daughter? A five month old fetus inside. Also injured during the accident.

The accident was only a couple of years back. December 2000 to be exact. The mother was the defendant, and the daughter (who was born blind, brain-damaged and somewhat paralyzed) was the plaintiff. The mother (and her husband) hired the lawyers for their daughter, and the lawyers sued the mother on the child’s behalf. In cases involving insurance, the lawyers are actually suing the insurance company. After the child turned three, the case moved forward and dragged on for about a year or two through the courts. Recently the final ruling was handed down, and the child won, thereby forcing the insurance company to pay for years and years of 24/7 expensive medical care.

The law has set a new precedent whereby, as per a 1999 landmark ruling by the Supreme Court, children cannot sue their mothers for damages incurred while they were in-feta. But the Court left a loophole whereby the exception is made if it was in a car accident.

Read more:

Apr. 2004: Legislation to allow girl to sue mother put on hold
Dec. 2005: New Alberta law will permit some lawsuits against mothers
Dec. 2006: Alberta family wins landmark settlement for injuries to fetus

Filed under: Current Affairs, Ghetto, Laced

LaSenza, LaSenza GIRL, and now …

LaSenza BARF.

So, I’m in my room working when the phone rings. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hi! I’m calling from LaSenza…
Me: (*raised eybrow, … *getting ideas*) Oh really.
Tm:
(*extremely faggotty-gay voice*) Yeths. Would it be pothsible to take five minuteths to speak to the woman of the houthse?
Me: (*thinking, well I dont have a woman of the house yet, and the sis is out at school.*) Ummm … No. It would not be possible.
Tm: Uh okay, thankths.
Me: *click*

Good thing I hadn’t eaten breakfast, because the urge to heave-ho was coming on really strong…

Stupid gay telemarketer.

Just when I was getting ideas, going to have some fun and a good laugh at the end …

Filed under: Exhaust, Miscellany

In Yo Fayce Sucka

So, I’m sprawled across my bed, sleeping. Its about 10 or 11 am on a lazy Saturday morning.

My brother knocks on the door, comes in and asks if he can take the car to go down to the gym.

I mumble: “Yeah sure, but be back by 4:00pm because I gotta go out.”
He says: “I can’t stay till Maghrib?”
Me: “rgrgrsghwglddywsh …. nooo ….”
Him: ***something***something***whatever***

Later in the day, I look at the clock and its past 4pm. I’m getting annoyed. Pacing on the floor.

Then, its 4:45pm and nearing Maghrib time and I’m like “Screw this.” … I pick up the phone and call, but he doesn’t answer.

Sabr.

After Maghrib, around 5:20pm, I call him again:

Him: Hello? salamualaikum?
Me: wa’alaikumussalam. DIDNT I TELL YOU TO BE HOME BY FOUR?!!

… *silence* ….

Him: Ummm. … silence … The car is like, in the driveway. … silence … I took the bus.

… *silence* ….

I frantically looked around my room for the button that says: “Push me when you are so damn embarassed and want the earth to open up and swallow you whole.”

But I couldn’t find it.

Filed under: Ghetto, Miscellany

Say it for me

 

Show me what it’s like…
To be the last one standing.
And teach me wrong from right…
And I’ll show you what I can be.
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me…
Say it if it’s worth saving me.

 

 

She kissed the photo and on the back she scribbled “my little soldier” – either with little idea of what he would be forced to become, or with the hope that only a mother can have…

Have you ever been in a situation where you were caught between a rock and a hard place? In a challenging, long-term situation … with gray skies overhead and barren earth below. But instead of giving up or buckling under, you just shrug your shoulders and kept going? You trusted Allaah to give you strength of heart, of mind, of limb, … and so He did. You trusted in Him to bring the sunrise when He knew it was time to do so … and so you patiently bore the horrors of the night.

To the extent that you nearly became like a zombie. Just working, eating, sleeping … trudging along, doing what you have to do, never falling, never despairing. Just putting your head down into the cold wind, pulling your cloak a bit tighter around your shoulders. The tears fall from your glazed eyes, causing flowers to grow along the way, behind your steps … but you never see them. The smile comes every now and then to your lips, as fleeting as the lightning that flashes in the distance … but you have no comrade to reflect that smile back at you.

Through all the joys, through all the sorrows … that single finger of Ahad mirrored the steely resolve of your mind … that He will deliver you to sanctuary.

Have you?

Savin’ Me [Nickelback]

Prison gates won’t open up for me
On these hands and knees I’m crawlin’
Oh, I reach for you
Well I’m terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can’t hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I’m callin’
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I’m fallin’, I’m fallin’

Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me

Heaven’s gates won’t open up for me
With these broken wings I’m fallin’
And all I see is you
These city walls ain’t got no love for me
I’m on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I’m callin’
And all I need from you
Hurry I’m fallin’, I’m fallin’

Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me
Hurry I’m fallin’

And all I need is you
Come please I’m callin’
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I’m fallin’, I’m fallin’, I’m fallin’

Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me
Hurry I’m fallin’

Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me

Filed under: Cradle, Exhaust, Rune

Moral Paychecks

“It is difficult to get a man to understand something when
his salary depends upon his not understanding it.”

– Upton Sinclair

I came upon this quote while watching Al Gore’s pseudo-documentary movie “An Inconvenient Truth”. Go watch it if you haven’t seen it yet. Its brilliant. Just absolutely brilliant. And if it doesn’t shock you into any new level of environemental consciousness or action, then you’re a dead person.

Gore was referring to the quote in the context of people – particularly men – who fail or deliberately fail to achieve understanding or take action on issues related to global warming because it will mean a cut in their paycheck.

You might as well write it in stone, because its so damn true.

Filed under: Quotable Quotes

Dr. Max’s Top 10 List for 2006

Thumbs up to Fahad S. for pointing out the link.

The following is Dr. Max’s top 10 list of Pro-Regressive Idiots for 2006:

10) Monis Rahman (CEO of Naseeb.com)
9) Raheel Raza (potato-faced slag from MCC)
8) Naser Khader (Danish politician)
7) Muslim Council of Canada (founded by Tarek Fatah and Irshad Manji)
6) Muslim Council of Britain (Kabbani’s fools)
5) Jawad Ali (Idiot Par Excellence)
4) Mona Eltahawy (bootlicking neo-con neophyte)
3) Tarek Fatah
2) Tarek Fatah
1) Tarek Fatah

Read Dr. Max’s detailed discourse here.

Filed under: Current Affairs, Ghetto, Quotable Quotes, Riposte