Maverick

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Unbranded and home on the range.

He wants to be rich.

(Who doesn’t?)

So, he came up with yet another get-rich-quick scheme. And its sounds sommit like this:

=======================================================================

Abu Sulaiman says:

insha’allah
Abu Sulaiman says:
def gonna be at RIS this year

Abu Sulaiman says:
But the whole reason I’m going won’t be to attend lectures but to meet you guys


سلمان says:
Some of the speakers are okay some are boring
سلمان says:
Yeah
سلمان says:
So we just walk around the bazaar


Abu Sulaiman says:
yea

سلمان says:
Sit and talk
سلمان says:
Play games
سلمان says:
etc

Abu Sulaiman says:
Maybe (I will) get married there who knows

سلمان says:
ooo

Abu Sulaiman says:
Walk in to your house ” salamu ‘alaykum”

Abu Sulaiman says:
Mother is like “hey who is that women with you”

سلمان says:
I’ll get my executive search team on the job!

Abu Sulaiman says:
You’re like “mother don’t you know I just got married at RIS”

سلمان says:
Wouldn’t it be funny

Abu Sulaiman says:
lol she gets a show and throws at you and some how its better than a baseball pitchers throw

سلمان says:
if RIS turned out to be a place where quickie-marriages happen, and since everyone is there already, it becomes one big massive joint waleemah?
سلمان says:
They’ll have like marriage officers / imams on the ready

Abu Sulaiman says:
hahaha

سلمان says:
You just walk up with your fiancée, sign a few papers, and have the witnesses present
سلمان says:
And
سلمان says:
Voila
سلمان says:
It’ll become THE must-attend event of the YEAR

Abu Sulaiman says:
lol
Abu Sulaiman says:
You know what would be funny is that they’d probably sell 3x the tickets too
Abu Sulaiman says:
If they had that
Abu Sulaiman says:
And trashed the lectures

سلمان says:
ya


Abu Sulaiman says:
Maybe 1 or 2 about marriage

سلمان says:
Forget 1 or 2
سلمان says:
How about all 4

Abu Sulaiman says:
lol

سلمان says:
All four spaces
سلمان says:
You can fill up at once
سلمان says:
That would be funny

Abu Sulaiman says:
lol

سلمان says:
80% women and only 20% men

Abu Sulaiman says:
I was talking to my brother Muhammad about that the other day

سلمان says:
Oh ya

Abu Sulaiman says:
How he could get married to 4 wives at once
Abu Sulaiman says:
And have a 10-year plan
Abu Sulaiman says:
4 kids a year
Abu Sulaiman says:
40 kids in 10 years
Abu Sulaiman says:
Send 1 to spain another to egypt another to somalia
Abu Sulaiman says:
The last is up to you
Abu Sulaiman says:
lol

سلمان says:
Damn that’s something
سلمان
says:
40 kids huh
سلمان
says:
That’s a whole damn tribe and a half

Abu Sulaiman says:
haha yup
Abu Sulaiman says:
And if you look at it it’s like pairs of twins
Abu Sulaiman says:
4 kids all born 2010
Abu Sulaiman says:
That would be super neat

سلمان says:
You’d earn a heckuva lotta air miles with all that traveling

Abu Sulaiman says:
haha yup

سلمان says:
Take each wife on a nice vacation each year

Abu Sulaiman says:
lol
Abu Sulaiman says:
And somehow when they (the kids) finish their studies or w/e
Abu Sulaiman says:
And they all start working
Abu Sulaiman says:
You tell them each one has to send you 1000$ a month
Abu Sulaiman says:
So that’s around 40k a month
Abu Sulaiman says:
I’m telling you
Abu Sulaiman says:
It’s the way of the future

سلمان says:
You sneaky little kid!

سلمان says:
Is that your get-rich-quick scheme?

Abu Sulaiman says:
haha

سلمان says:
40k a month … half a million a year

سلمان says:
Not bad!
=======================================================================

You know, it could work.

Except that you’d probably have to wait about 35 years for it to start rolling, because by then your 40th kid would be 25 and *maybe* earning a decent $60K salary to support your Globetrotter lifestyle. By which time, you would most likely be about 60 years old and you would need the money to pay for all your medical bills and the pills and a whole lot of frills.

And that each kid would probably have sucked up quite a bit of cash from you in the first place for child support and higher education fees. In which case, the net sum would probably land you deep in debt instead of a pile of cash. Adding up all the housing (four wives, four VERY large families), food, transportation, clothing, education, medical costs, and using cost-calculators such as BabyCenter, you will find that up until the age of 22 you will have spent about $520K on raising a child.

Well, assuming you want each kid to pay you a thousand bucks per month once they start working, you’ve probably raised them well enough to do so. So, assuming you’vespent $520K on each kid up until, lets say – the age of 25 … for 40 kids that would amount to about $21M, spread over a period of a total of about 35 years. And thats just on the kids alone, never mind what you have to spend on the wives. But we’ll get to that later. So, it costs you $21 million dollars over a period of 35 years, and if you end up getting a thousand dollars back per month per child at the age of 25 , with 40 kids, that would give you $480K per year and thus it would take you about 43 years to make it all back. You’ll be about 90 years old then and just pulling yourself outta the high debt that accrued from raising a whole damn tribe of your own.

Now, to pull that off you’ve had four loyal and faithful wives lets say. And they’re not too demanding, just moderate. Separate home for each as per their rights, and since you spendd equal time with all of them, you stay with each for two weeks. So you’re travelling twice a month, making yourself part of the jet-set crew. They’re also moderate shopaholics. They all have the standard HD TVs in their homes, central HVAC units, decent food, utility expenses, etc etc. Lets put each residence [with 10 kids] at a bargain-basement low price of $5k spending per month, so thats $60k per year per house, multiplied times four and you’re spending $240K per year just on maintaining a decent level of lving for your four homes. Multiplied by 25 years, and lets ballpark it at $5M for the cost of maintaining your four homes, since the kids are going to be arriving regularly over a period of 10 years.

Add that to tha $21M and now we’re sitting at $26M. Add in another $4M for out-of-pocket and overhead costs and you’re looking at $30M to raise all your little bunnies so that they can pony up $500K per year once they hit the age of 25.

Warren Buffett, you’re not. Or Bill Gates. Or the Sultan of Brunei.

Get rich quick scheme #238, … eh I think I’ll pass, for now.

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Filed under: Miscellany, MSN Ejecta

7 Responses

  1. Abu Sulaiman says:

    “Appealing in theory, and undesirable on paper.” Was the first thought that came to mind, but regardless of all the bills that you might endure, having a tribe of your own is a remarkable feat. And since I know you’re an advocate against my 10 year plan, I had to reply with its benefits and tasteful fruits!

    Firstly, I completely disagree with you regarding the fact that you need to spend a whopping $520K per child. And who said that I’d be supporting them until they reached 25, as soon as they reach puberty – [i]Allaah Willing[/i] – they will start working. The only factor that could change the tide of my plan would be; how many of them are daughters? In which then, attaining a piece of her dowry might be an option [cultural mockery].

    Back to the $520K, I’m completely surprised you actually think I’d allow them to live in some sophisticated environment. During their childhood, they’ll receive from me only: that which they need, some education, and fatherly love/support [which is priceless lol- i can’t believe i actually typed that]. I’d agree with you, if you meant $520k total for all my expenses during that 10 year period.

    Let’s refer to that decade as: “The years of Hardship.” Which is conveniently followed by: “The time of ease.”

  2. UmmNour says:

    Asalamu Alaikum

    Okay, this is totally off topic. But I was wondering whats with you and “thick skin”. I was just reading your post on IN and man do you know how many times you say the word “thick skin” I’ve heard this word so many times, that i’ve started to say the same thing to other people and that’s kinda freaky. So yeah, where did you learn this from?

    Sorry, I’m just wondering.

  3. UmmNour says:

    And yeah, my sister in law is wondering too.

  4. Taz says:

    You forgot to factor in that all 40 may not be boys, some may be of the fairer sex as well, and that some of your kids may turn out to be deadbeat slobs like Allan and the other fools. Or, that some of them may take after your BK mania and plunk down a couple grand every year buying up all sorts of poutine and burgers, so shayt when they have a heart attack by the age of 20 youz gonna be lookin at payin’ up for some good docs.

    Betta git to work on your drano idea, boy.

  5. Maverick says:

    To Umm Nour: – Thick skin refers to someone who has … basically, a higher level of tolerance for the ups-and-downs of life. It implies that their skin is thick enough to withstand the rigours and troubles of daily life, and that they arent troubled by too much.

    Its a term used in the business world quite a bit, referring to someone who’s been through a lot of wins and losses, so they know what to expect, and if they get hit with a loss they dont stress out a lot over it, they just clean up as best they can, compose themselves and move on with life, and not cry over spilled milk. The intention is not to relegate all losses no matter how large or enormous, to being as if theyw ere just spilled milk – but rather the intention is to show that “…look, stuff happens, thats life. Stay patient, clean up, and move on. Don’t let it slow you down.”

    Of course it doesnt actually mean that they actually have physically more dense or thicker skin than other humans.

  6. Maverick says:

    Taz …
    sit down … do some work … be productive … efficient … all that jazz. You know, be the upto-spec efficient corporate office drone so you can see some more bonus money on your next paycheck. You worry about your family and I’ll fantasize about mine, thank you kindly >:)

  7. Abu Sulaiman says:

    I hope people understand that majority of what was said, was part of a discussion. And the “getting rich” part, was just a fantasy.

    But I do ask Allaah to bless – each and every one of you – with abundant children, who will cling to the truth.

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