Unbranded and home on the range.

One of those days …

… when my stomach is higher than my nose, if I lie down. (okay okay maybe not)

Abu Ibraheem says:
Abu Ibraheem says:
what you doing ?

سلمان says:
sittin with a full tummy
سلمان says:
i didnt realize how much food i had eaten until i looked at myself in the mirror
سلمان says:
astaghfirullaah I look pregnant

Abu Ibraheem says:
Abu Ibraheem says:
Abu Ibraheem says:
that is funny

سلمان says:
what a loser huh


So, I was at the MSA dinner tonight. Lots of people, and nice food. Lasagna, chicken, rice, taters, yada yada.

3abdo was there with his jokes and tabla, but he did an absolutely piss-poor re-telling of his fireman joke … thank God though, otherwise I might have splurted out the Coke I was drinking had I started to laugh like last time he told it. Hussein was there dissin’ everybody left right center, except when he was begging me to teach him some Urdu so he wouldn’t feel left out when me and Adeel were ripping into each other. Adeel was there walking around like he owned the place – whats so new about that? At least he treated me enough like VIP so I got first dibs on a second helping. Ibrahim had blue hair – yes the same Ibrahim who planned on wearing niqab so all the girls would talk about him. I guess he thought blue hair was a much more surefire way to get them to spin their heads in his direction. I saw Yasin and told him not to feel bad, – misery loves company – because I was there even though I’ve never been a student at UTM, although he kept trying to convince me he was a UTM student. Someone needs to give him some selling skills. Rizwan was there moaning about how he wanted to get hitched but he couldn’t figure out the finances of supporting a wife and what he would do if she turned out to be a shop-aholic. I decided to turn up the heat on him and freaked him out by telling him tales of religious sisters who insisted on their rights of having a separate home. He almost fainted I think, or at least he was sweating like crazy. Wais walked in – unbelievable this kid went from being a scrawny little kid that everyone kicked around in highschool to being someone who looked like he could beat the pulp outta even the biggest NFL quarterbacks. He was seriously packin’ something. Creatine maybe, I dunno. Omar was there getting all wierd on me while we were pickin’ out his gray hairs, asking if I had sent the Eid card w/ comments to the boys and I said “Yes I sent it the same night” to which, he was very shocked and puzzled. Little Yusuf was there stringing his faulty yo-yo crying about how it was broken so I told him to fix it himself, since he has the blood of so many engineers in him and lo and behold, he fixed it on the spot. Just super. Some new kid named Mas3oud tried to pull a fast one on me but I pulled it back on him saying he looked just like his brother Sa’eed. Baby Yusuf was crying in his momma’s arms and then I took him into mine and he couldnt cry because he was so preoccupied with being perplexed while looking at my face trying to figure out who the hell I was. I considered taking him back with me to the table but I didnt want the boys to start congratulating me just yet. Loads of other boys there and I had similarly absolutely random and perhaps pointless exchanges with them. Also known as schmoozing and socializing. The CBC camera guys for the Passionate Eye were there and me and Hussein enjoyed the verbal sniping we were laying on them, oh and we just *know* they heard everything because they had a frickin’ big fat boom mike pointed in our direction over our heads. I pulled some cultural sensitivity political-correctness jargon on them so they didnt videotape the sisters while we were all praying and they acted like I was their saviour. Absolute Morons.

Since I feel like a loser because nabeyuna Muhammad [saws] said the worst vessel a man can fill is his stomach, I’m sitting here hoping this massive protrusion will go away magically somehow. My sister laid on some random statistic about how its scientifically proven that people eat more when they are sitting together at a party and blabbing at the same time. I dont wanna puke so I verbally let it loose up there.

Oh mother. Someone pass me a napkin please.


Filed under: Miscellany, MSN Ejecta

4 Responses

  1. abu Ibraheem says:

    after reading that i would say you need to get some rest. the brain is working a little to hard tonight.
    take care

  2. Maverick says:

    I think the Coke was laced with something. My sister kept telling me to get rid of it and she was unusually insistent.

  3. anon says:

    when i take over the world, the first thing i’ll change is that men get pregnant, not women… (thanks for the idea)

  4. Waqar says:

    Boo! seems like everyone had a Blast… too bad i was feeling all poopies (cuz of the flu) and couldnt make it. Insh’Allah i will come next time for sure if Allah wills lol. n Rizwan if u read this… do u still wanna get married… I heard Salman put some serious thoughts in ur head lol… Insh’Allah talk to u guyz soon.

    ur brother in Islam


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