Unbranded and home on the range.

So retarded you couldn’t even kill yourself?

This is one of those stories that’s true and yet, so unbelievably bizzare that it leaves you fearful for the human race – I don’t think we want genes as retarded as these getting mixed into the human race:

“A young male entered the walk-in entrance to our ER one busy Sunday afternoon shift, holding a hand over a bloodstained shirt. When the overwhelmed triage nurse didn’t acknowledge him for several minutes, he calmly walked to the registration desk and informed the startled clerk that he had been shot in the chest. After the man was rushed into our trauma room, his unluckiest-ever story unfolded.

It seems that he had been depressed for several weeks, and two days earlier had decided to commit suicide. He took a bottle of Valium and a fifth of vodka and fell asleep in his bed, fully intending to never wake up again. Unfortunately, the combination was not lethal, and he did wake up, albeit thirty-six hours later, with a tremendous hangover. Deciding that something else was needed to complete the job, he filled up the bathtub, got in, and slit both wrists with a razor blade. Alas, the bleeding was all venous and clotted off after several minutes, leaving him sitting in a pink-tinged lukewarm bathtub.

He climbed out of the bathtub and decided to hang himself from the dining-room light fixture using his belt. the light fixture tore from the ceiling and he crashed to the floor with such force that he fell through the dining-room floor into the basement. Battered but not beaten, he looked around the basement for something to finish the job. He found a .22 caliber bullet but no gun. He decided to hold the bullet with a pair of pliers and, pressing it against his sternum, took several whacks at the compression end of it with a ball-peen hammer. On the third whack the bullet went off. He fell to the floor and looked down to see a bullet hole on the left side of his chest. After lying on the floor for twenty minutes, he decided that maybe he really did not want to die and drove himself to the ER.

Our evaluation showed that the bullet had harmlessly bounced off a rib and was lying in the subcutaneous tissue of the left chest.”


On a much heavier and more serious note, I think this just goes to show that really, when it’s not your time to die, then you CANNOT move your time forwards by even a split-second. It wasn’t his time to die and no matter how hard he tried to kill himself, it just wouldn’t happen.

(Does the Angel of Death ever laugh? If not, he does now)

(Hat tip to Saima M., for writing it up, from the book “True Stories from the Nation’s ER”, by Mark Brown, M.D.)


Filed under: Ghetto, Miscellany

5 Responses

  1. hijabihoodlum says:

    absolutely hilarious.

  2. Hadeel says:

    he could’ve just waited till he bled to death. idiot.

  3. ilanaislam2e says:

    HE’S DEPRESSED OHMyGODdddddddddddd!!!!
    tell him he’s a woman
    problem. solved.

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